ugh i'm beat.

life is so overwhelming these days. i am constantly going going going. i suppose that it's good that i have so much going on, but it's exhausting. every minute is crammed full and i always have this background panic that i'm forgetting something or that i'm supposed to be somewhere doing something. i'm constantly afraid that i'm going to let someone down.

t and i spent all labor day weekend fighting. that's exhausting as well....plus i have an emotional hangover. i wish i could just shake things off but it doesn't seem to be in my DNA. i have been really dragging ever since...getting out of bed is a monumental task....but i can't sleep either.

part of the reason i'm depressed is the fact that i feel just so fucking fat! i know what the number on the scale says, what the size on my clothes says, but i just look at my body and there's just rolls and flabs and jiggles every-fucking-where!! i want to scream, cry, and dive under a rock forever, in that order.

*sigh* plus i have my MD appointment monday. gah - talk about depressing. here it is, six weeks later....i'm sure all my bloodwork is fine, i'm sure my ekg is fine...tell me again why i need to embarrass myself every six weeks?

starving + bleeding