i went to my doctor's appointment.

i think she's losing patience with me. i'm in the gown and she's like, "show me where there's fat."

What? no.

Show me - i want to see where you think there's fat.

Well...

and i show her. i show her my flabby belly, my thunder thighs, my enormous ass, my backfat. every thing i say, she's like "that's just skin, that's bone, there's nothing there, you aren't grabbing anything." Why did she make me do this?? i'm more self conscious than ever!! not only do i scrutinize my body unforgivingly, but now i have the picture of her peering and pointing at me and at various body parts. and WHAT is she talking about?!?! i get that maybe she's trying to prove some kind of point, but she's dead wrong.

i fucking hate her. i hate me. i hate everything.

starving + bleeding