i went to the fair yesterday. it was one of the hardest days of my life.

i have never been to the fair and not had beer. not since i was 14 or so. everyone's walking around with these enormous frosty cups, bars are everywhere, signs hawking who has the cheapest beer. i was looking at my friend and she turned into a cold beer, the way a cartoon character turns into a ham when the other character is hungry.

hungry. must not think about being hungry.

anyway, i wanted to cry. just a few days ago i was so joyful at making it to one month. yesterday i would've gladly thrown it away if i hadn't had a "chaperone" with me. all this over a goddamn cup of beer? i need a life.

the more miserable not having alcohol makes me, the more evident it is that i really have an issue. happiness in life should not rest on ETOH.

starving + bleeding