my dad was rushed to the hospital yesterday at around 7pm - intestinal blockage. i've had about 45 minutes sleep in the last 36 hours. he's ok, they think, but he'll be in the hospital prolly at least a week or so.

i fucking hate this hospital. i was in there four times, about a month each time, for suicide attempts. everything about the place, the lobby, the elevators, the cafeteria, reeks of my own death, and all the horrible feelings that were there. that are there. that will always be there.

i fucking hate my boobs. they are saggy, stretchy, fatty, and goddamn DISGUSTING. i want to cut them off. they are these horrible growths that remind me every second about how repulsive my body is.

i'm so random today. must be the lack of sleep.

starving + bleeding