sometimes i really fucking HATE therapy!!

my MD is always saying i can talk about whatever i want, that i should feel free to say whatever's on my mind. so today i talk about the fight t and i had when he found out i had fainted at work from not eating. at the end, MD asks me when i'm next seeing my medical doctor. i (admittedly, stupidly) said that i was supposed to see her next week but i switched it to next month. i should have just said i was seeing her next month, but hey, i thought it was a safe place.

anyway, he starts in on how part of the "treatment parameters" is that i take care of myself so that i can focus on recovery and how i'm not doing that. by not keeping my doc appointments, by not eating to the point of fainting, by purging, i am not taking care of myself and he said he was really doubting my committment towards recovery and treatment.

What the fuck!??! he said before that these things are result of my BPD, a disorder that he tells me is not my fault and that i shouldn't feel like a bad person because i need to do these things, yet he turns around and makes me feel bad about them by using them against me by saying that if i'm doing it then i'm not committed to treatment! so which is it?? is it my fault or not??

*sigh* and now i have to stew over this until the next appointment.

starving + bleeding