i don't know what to do.

i am in so much fucking debt. student loans - $160,000. can you believe that shit?? my student loan payment is more than my rent and car payment combined.

last year i had a pretty crazy manic episode (although i didn't know it at the time) and ran up my credit card. as in $20,000.

and. i have medical bills to the tune of $26,000 from when i was hospitalized with no insurance.

i have no money. and i never will have any money. and the balances and interest just keep getting bigger and bigger. and bigger.

t thinks i should file for bankruptcy. i can't!!! i used to BE a bankruptcy attorney!! i'd have to attend my own hearing in front of all these attorneys, probably including my dick of a former boss. and what about my future?? no credit, the next time i need a car loan i'd get an interest rate of 50% or something ridiculous. i don't know even know if filing BK can get you disbarred. what about job applications that ask you if you've ever filed? in my current job i work with the goddamn trustee - how can i appear in front of him as a debtor???

but i can't keep living like this. my checking account is overdrawn every. single. month. because i have no money. none. BK wouldn't let me get out of my student loans but it would release me from everything else. and i would be able to breathe. but i can't. i just can't.

starving + bleeding