i've made an appointment with another therapist. it's so weird, i feel like i'm cheating on my MD. this one is a social worker, not a psychiatrist. i wonder if it will make any difference, besides the whole med prescribing thing. i can stay at the clinic for medication management so at least i don't have to find another whole new psychiatrist. bleh. i just hope my insurance will cover me seeing the new person and my current therapist until my current one leaves.

my first appointment is a week from monday. i'm so nervous, and it's over a week away. how am i going to feel the night before??? jeez. how is it going to go? he'll likely ask me what i want help with. do i just blurt everything out?

"hi, nice to meet you. well, i've come to you because i need help. What's wrong? well, let's see. i have borderline personality disorder, i'm bipolar, i'm suicidal, i'm a raging alcoholic, i cut, i burn, i am in the worst depths of an eating disorder than i have ever been before, i like to live on apples and throw up eight times a day. i don't know really what i want help with or how you can help me, i just don't want to be this miserable anymore. does this interest you at all?"

please. i have a hard enough time asking strangers the time. if i don't tell him, he's not going to know why i'm there. if i do tell him then he'll run away screaming. he'll probably call up the woman who referred me to him and ask her why does she have it out for him so bad.

i hate this.

starving + bleeding