i don't know what's going on.

i'm having these...i don't know...visions? fantasies? waking dreams? about suicide. and they are very graphic.

example:

i was lying in a hot bubble bath. and i saw myself reach for my straight razor and use it to unzip my left arm. i could see muscle tissue and bone and the blood - so much blood. i saw it rain down my arm and billow down into the water. i saw it sink into the caulking of the tub and down into the grout of the tile. and then i "woke up."

example:

i was driving at night on a two lane highway. and i saw a truck's headlights coming towards me in the other lane. i saw myself swerve in front of him. i heard twisting and grating metal. i felt myself turn over and the bright headlights shining in my eyes. and then it was gone. i was still driving down the road and everything was fine.

whenever i am really stressed my mind goes to shit. it's scaring the crap out of me.

starving + bleeding