I had an interesting experience in group the other day.

The thing about group is you see the same people dealing with the same issues, week after week they continue to get in their own way, but they blatently just don't see it. Week after week I am getting more annoyed with these people for being so blind. Not that I'm perfect in any sense of the word, but I'm fairly self aware. I know what gets in my way and am actively working to change it. These people are just treading water.

Anyway, it comes out that I'm extremely annoyed at everyone. The doc says to go ahead, tell them exactly what's on my mind. I say I don't want to - it wouldn't be productive and everyone would think I was a heinous bitch. He says it would be very productive. I say well, I would still be a heinous bitch. Then it dawns on me: I am not responsible for other people's reactions. I say this, and the doc smiles and says I'm absolutely right.

So I go around the room and tell everyone exactly what I think of them and what I think their problems are. And, at the doc's request, I told them how them getting over their issues would help me - it was more than just pointing a finger, it was asking them for something I wanted. And when I was done, not only did I not feel responsible for their reactions, I didn't really care what their reactions were! I can honestly say that I didn't give a fuck if they hated me or not. That's NEVER happened!!!

It was so freeing, so empowering. I have never felt so high as I did then. I said exactly what I felt and didn't give a damn about the outcome.

I want to do it again!

starving + bleeding