had couples counseling yesterday with t.

for the first time since we started trying to "work it out" the Total Asshole emerged again. i guess he had been on his best behavior for all this time and it had to happen sometime.

and here i thought three months of individual therapy for him and psych meds might have gotten rid of the Asshole.

good news: he did it in front of the counselor, so maybe she can help him?

bad news: i've been super depressed since. i swore when i left i would never have to listen to that again. and here it is. and i'm realizing, that even if he works on it, it's going to happen again and again while he "works on it." he just rants and rants about every negative thing that ever happened since the dawn of time, and there's no stopping him. the counselor kept saying "stop! stop!" and he'd take a breath and keep right on going. it's soul draining...i don't know if i can stand by him while he "learns" to not do that, IF he learns...just this one time, after four months without it, has just knocked the heart out of me.

on the way back to work after the session, he asked me if i "won" that one. i didn't know this was a competition. in no way do i feel like i'm winning anything.

*sigh*

on a brighter note - i got the new Alanis - "Flavors of Entanglement." i love it.

starving + bleeding