i decided not to send the letter and the check. perhaps i should have known, but i'm not a mind reader. and to be honest, even with what i was feeling at the time, had i known i would not have stayed, as i could not afford it.

and honestly, i'm a little proud that that voice inside me that got pissed had a chance to speak. she never gets to, she's always trampled by the stampede of worry about whether someone won't like me/will be mad at me. and i kind of want to honor her.

but i will not let her go her usual way, of festering and hidden grudges. i know now what the rules are, and i won't allow myself to feel "wronged" or to hold it against someone who, in all honesty, is there to help me.

wow. i'm surprising myself here. for maybe the first time ever, my intelligence/thoughts and emotions are able to come to a decision together in some sort of harmony.

i blame the insomnia for this moment of clarity ;-)

in other news...there ARE angels among us. i feel blessed to have you in my life.

starving + bleeding