thank you to all who reached out to me...it meant the world.

a couple emergency therapy sessions and a med adjustment and i'm feeling ok - not great, but ok.

i also stopped reading Marya Horbacher's new book - Madness - i think it may have been a trigger in all this.

i've decided to give couple's counseling with t a try. i was talking with my dad and he asked me "what is it you really want?" i thought about it and i said "for t and i to have the future i thought we were going to have" and at that moment i realized that it was true. so i told him i would go to counseling. i don't know that it will work, and i told him that. but i'm going to give it a go. if it doesn't work i won't have lost anything. if it does i'll have gained everything. that's a gamble i can take.

perhaps you'll think i'm weak, or stupid, or naive. that's ok - part of me thinks that too. i'm giving hope a try instead.

starving + bleeding