t called me today. he has consulted with two different immigration attorneys and they both said the same thing: if we withdraw his residency paperwork due to our separation, he will be deported. they will not reinstate his student visa and he will not be allowed to return here, even to visit family.

this is an impossible situation. yes we are separated but i don't want anything bad to happen to him, nor do i want his future jeopordized.

i feel so guilty. if we hadn't sent in the paperwork this would not be an issue. i had my doubts about our future but i signed the paperwork anyway, i thought we'd be able to work it out. if i had only listened to myself and put my foot down that we should wait this would not be a problem.

if he gets deported i will feel so fucking bad. i will feel like a monster who ruined someone's life. what the hell can i do??

starving + bleeding