i'm so lame. i just posted this on a message board for newlyweds:

If you could give me your perspectives on this, I'd appreciate it.

My husband says the most awful things when we fight. He calls me names (worthless, retarded, fucking stupid, etc) and says things like I'll never leave him 'cause I know deep down that no one would want me, that I do nothing but bring him down and bring him misery, and that I deserve to be with someone who is a drunk and who beats me. He accuses me of being on drugs (have never done) and searches my drawers. He SCREAMS.

Then when he decides he's in a better mood, he acts all lovey and wonders why I'm mad/upset/crying. He says it was a silly fight and that I'm too sensitive. I am very sensitive, so I need to know if I'm overreacting. He doesn't apologize for the things he said, and the next time he's in a mood he says these things again, and others like it. For about two months this has been an almost daily thing. He says if I were a better wife he wouldn't need to say these things or criticize me. I don't cook enough, or clean enough, or earn enough money.

He wasn't like this before we were married, or for awhile thereafter. It's just getting worse, and I don't know what to do. I'm already in therapy (have been for awhile) but he refuses to go, either by himself or us together as a couple. I found free marriage workshops/classes and he refuses to go to those as well.

It all just makes me feel awful. If we weren't married, we would be broken up. But we are married, and I don't know what to do. Do I need to toughen up, develop a thicker skin somehow? Keep trying for awhile? How long? Or should I have been out the door the first time? Half of me feels stupid for staying, the other half feels stupid for wanting to leave.

Your thoughts?

starving + bleeding