i'm tired.

having a rough time all day. t begged me to call my MD to see if he could see me, but i couldn't make the call. one time a long time ago i needed him and i paged him and he never called back. since that day i swore i would never go to him for help again. he wasn't there when i needed him so fuck him. (which really in effect fucks me but who's counting?) i know, very rational thinking. i have come to realize that i really don't connect my thoughts together very well. i can't bring up anything that's really bothering me in therapy because if i brought it up that would mean that i thought it was important, and what if it's really not important, i would be so embarrassed and humiliated and want to disappear. see what i mean?? i know that doesn't make sense and my MD would NEVER think something i wanted to talk about was unimportant but that doesn't affect the wierd trains of thought in my head.

and to think as a lawyer it's my job to reason and come to rational conclusions.

i hate the inside of my brain. i need to redecorate.

starving + bleeding