well i did tell him. took about twenty minutes of "ummm-ing" but i was able to get it out.

he asked me if i wanted to go back to the hospital. i answered with a resounding "NO!" he said that if he thought it would do me any good, he would send me there. but he knows it won't. my four times there last fall and winter, i got out of it all i was going to get. there's really no purpose for me to go. he and i both agreed that the "hospital era" is behind me. he was very very pleased that i was able to call my friend. he knows that i haven't been able to do that before. he said it's a huge step.

he asked how i felt about it now that it was over. i really didn't feel anything...not shameful, not regretful, not "oh look how wonderful the world is and what might i have missed!!" not anything. except a little tension release.

he said we're going to start fiddling with my meds as they are obviously not helping. double yay.

starving + bleeding