i don't know what i'm feeling.

if you remember, last week i told my therapist some of the deeper secrets and thoughts about my ed...he said that he wouldn't make it an issue for me in therapy...

well, he did.

at the end of our session yesterday, he dropped a bomb on me - he wants me to see a internist regularly to keep tabs on my physical health. he made it seem like i really didn't have a choice in the matter, and he kept saying "i wouldn't want you to end up in the hospital" like if i didn't go along with this he'd commit me or something.

i just feel...ehhh....helpless? resigned to doing what other people want me to do? i was definitely pissed that he waited til the end of the session to tell me this shit...he obviously knew he was going to say it the whole time. i feel...afraid, maybe? that it will tell me something, or that my therapist and this other doctor will conspire against me?

he called me this afternoon - saying he wanted me to know that i could call him, and asked if i had anything to say to him, and i just couldn't say anything...i'm so confused...what is going on with me...

fuck this.

starving + bleeding