i don't know.

monday i'm supposed to see my main therapist. when he first started seeing me, in October, we had this amazing connection. but between my hospitalizations and his vacations it's been over two months since i've seen him.

i have all these strange feelings, like he left me, he doesn't care, there's no way we'll have the connection again, it's been too long, why bother, i fucking don't deserve therapy anyway, he wishes he never agreed to see me, i'm a waste of his time, he could be working with someone who actually had serious problem and he's stuck with me, god i hate myself, i don't even want to go, he'd probably be happy if i didn't show up...

where does all this shit come from?

starving + bleeding