my best friend is acting wierd. short, curt emails, not returning my phone calls, screening me altogether. i finally got a hold of her tonight and asked her what was going on and she said "nothing," but in that high pitched way that really means "something." i asked her three times if she was mad at me, she said no, but of course i've been wracking my brain for the past two days trying to figure out what i could've done. i'm so paranoid like that. i tell myself that i've been calling her, she said i didn't do anything, so even if she is mad at me i've done all i can do and i should just let it go...but of course i obsess for hours. and even if it isn't me, why can't she tell me? or at the very least say that yes, something is going on but she doesn't want to talk about it...i'd take that - i just know that something is up with her and it's worrying me sick...we're supposed to meet for coffee tomorrow...i hope she doesn't cancel...

i've gained five pounds since i've started seeing t plus i've lost some muscle tone...he loves to go out to eat and drink...i need to refocus...i don't want my new jeans to get tight...i've come too far to start backsliding now...

starving + bleeding