cutting is worse. i'm running out of places. and i'm wearing ridiculous amounts of bracelets and long sleeves when it's fucking 80 degrees out. but if my counselor on fri asks if i've cut this week the big grand answer will be NO. i can't take the way she looks at me when we talked about it last time. not pity. controlled worry, i guess. this therapy thing is hard enough b/c i feel very uncomfortable having attention paid to me yet i crave it at the same time. i don't think i can handle controlled worry too...

my other counselor is leaving next week, so we've stopped talking about "deep" stuff as she sees no point getting into that now. my assignment for the week is to attempt to find a shrink in NY for after i graduate. she said if i haven't by the time we meet for the last time she'll sit right there and we'll do it in her office. god what a pain in the goddamn ass. i hate calling strangers. especially strangers that deal in crazy people. and i have no idea what my insurance covers. if it doesn't cover anything then there's no point as i can't do it anyway. plus it runs out in august ANYWAY. argh.

finished my final trial - got a lot of critiques on it but i think i passed. thank god. now i just need to pass three finals and my ass is OUTTA HERE.

then i get to study for the Bar. woo.

starving + bleeding