did i tell you i got a mini 1p0d?? i totally couldn't afford it but it was either shop or drink and guess what??? with my new lifestyle in control drinking was not an option. i had a glass of wine at the art festival saturday night and other than that i haven't had a drink in over a week!!!! YAY! i fucking rock. but anyway, my new toy, i love it so much - and best of all, it's PINK!! hah. me, the queen of black, she who has nothing but black in her closet, voluntarily bought something pink! i think that's hysterical - but i love it. my old mp3 player only held 20 songs - i ask you, what's the point of that? i may as well carry around a cd player - but anyway, that's my newest purchase, that i couldn't afford. i tell ya, once my drinking is under control for good, my next addiction to tackle will have to be shopping. that is, if i'm not bankrupt first...

eating is fantastic. i have so much control, so much fucking inner poise, i wonder where the fuck it all was before - i was down six pounds last week - i'm sure a lot of it is me losing bloat from being drunk all the time, but i'll take it - i also worked out five days....

i seriously haven't felt this controlled and serene in years. yes i am just as obssessed with food as ever, but it feels different. like batting away an annoying fly - a brief thought, a swatting away of an idea and that's all, onto the next...

i'm in control, i say what, i say when...

starving + bleeding