man this not sleeping thing blows. i am so fucking exhausted. i don't know what happens, all day i look forward to crawling into bed and passing out, yet as soon as i get there my mind starts zooming at a bezillion miles an hour and i can't shut it up.

strange shit happens when you don't sleep though - doors grow eyes, i feel imaginary bugs crawling on me, walls come out of nowhere, my professor's head looks like it's dissolving in a cloud of smoke. very very trippy.

working my ass off at school, thank you very much. i feel as though i can't let myself fall behind until at least mid-semester. also working said ass off at trying to find a job. that is, if the insomnia doesn't put me in a crazy house for good.

i'm thinking i'm going to lay off the message boards for awhile - i'm not really getting anything from them anymore. i don't know what i really got in the first place - maybe a sense of camaraderie, a fun sense of conspiracy? yes, we're all in this damn sinking ship, but we're in it TOGETHER?!? yeah. i don't know, i need a break. they are like an assault on the senses, too much crap flying through cyberspace at once and hitting me square in the face. also, i really think that i do better without hearing about other people's failures. perhaps that's selfish? i've never denied being selfish.

also, it's too easy to spend hours on the boards and procrastinate doing work.

on another topic - you ever look around at your friends and think why am i friends with these people? i don't even like them!!

starving + bleeding