i'm just gonna vent a little, if that's ok - sorry if i don't make too much sense.

i hate this!!! i hate my life right now. so i don't drink and that means i save money and am not hung over. big fucking deal. my whole life i felt left out and awkward and now guess what - it's that times a million! i can't go into bars, i can't hang out with friends while they are drinking (not getting wasted, just sipping on a beer on a nice day like a NORMAL person). (this is because i can't handle being around it) i HATE going to see my dad and his g/f, who i have finally started to develop a good relationship with, because they have an outstanding liquor cabinet that i used to have the benefit of, now i just stare at them and at my H, all enjoying their fine glass of whatever and i'm stuck with a damn diet coke. if i want to socialize with my friends in the evening then the only option is a stodgy coffee shop surrounded by senoir citizens and the occasional crazy person, and they're going there as a favor to me. the weather is gorgeous but sitting out on the patio without a beer feels horrible, same with going out on the boat, same with going to cookouts. i don't want to do anything and i'm fucking depressed and angry.

i think i want to stop.

starving + bleeding