ooooooh this feels so fucking good.

hollow inside. empty. not just "its been awhile since i last ate" empty but "no food for two days" empty. a cavern inside. my heart is racing yet feels inexplicably calm at the same time. air is cleaner and crisper, breathing is deeper. peaceful, quiet. i don't need to drink to calm myself down, i'm already calm. i feel like i'm merging with everything around me, i feel fluid and malleable.

like reconnecting with a lover, settling into those nooks and crevices that you yourself molded out and sculpted. touch is heightened, slipping into the cradled arm of the only one who knows you this well, who will always love you and want you.

control. body image. self esteem. these words are too cold, too clinical. not nearly enough for the lust, craving and layered experience this is. it's rich, luxurious and sensuous. it's not needing and not wanting. it's independence. it's a real connection with nature, not as a slave desperate for its fruit but as an equal. making choices at will and not out of need.

oh, elation!

starving + bleeding