we had to put our little marilyn down yesterday. she was only 3.5 years old - the cancer had spread through her spine and brain. she could eat, but she couldn't move, she just drug her hind legs around when she could. she had seizures daily and couldn't straighten out her head.

i've never had to make that decision before. my parents made the call on our family pets and my first pigger died overnight. my h wasn't fully on board, he wanted her to die naturally, but i couldn't bear to watch her deteriorate any more. she seemed so sad to me.

the vet's was awful. i cried and cried and cried. i actually had to look into her sweet face and hand her over to the vet to take her away and kill her. the vet assured us that it was definitely the right thing but still - i had to deliver her to her death. and we couldn't be with her - b/c the piggers have no accessible veins they have to give her a shot right into the heart. that's what i keep thinking. as uncomfortable as she might have been deteriorating naturally, this way her last moments were terrifying: riding in the car, in a scary vet's office with strange sounds and voices, and being carried away from her mom only to be put on a cold counter with dogs barking and cats meowing and a sharp needle.

i think i made the wrong decision.

starving + bleeding