oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit

here we go again

i am flying! flying flying flying!

i've gotten so much work done in the last two days. motions, judgments, arguments, letters, phone calls - i've gotten three weeks worth of work done in two days!!

most of the time i've been in a really fabulous mood - up and chatty, talking probably a little too fast, ok REALLY too fast but everyone else is talking too slow! it's like they are talking to me underwater or something.

anyway like i said i've been mostly in a fab mood but today at group i don't know i was raging!! raging raging raging!! i hated everyone and spat bile in everyone's direction - i was THIS close to pitching the table across the room or getting up and punching the leader - i was filled with so much hate!! hate hate hate for everyone!! i couldn't control it - it all came out - i told off everything and everyone in that room - they all just stared at me with their jaws open - but i didn't care - what the hell was wrong with me?!? when i got home i looked in the mirror and i guess i had pulled out most of my right eyebrow hair. fuck when did that happen??

anyway now i'm flying again in a good way, thank god. i didn't realize it but on the way home i was driving almost 100 mph - i was damn lucky not to get pulled over

shit i can't write anymore. this is taking me forever. my hands are shaking so much that i have a typo every other fucking word....it is taking me forever!!! damn

is this another manic episode?? i can't tell! i just had one a couple weeks ago - i thought they only happened like once a year or something? maybe i'm just hyper??? i hope so. i hope so i hope so i hope so

starving + bleeding