well i started the lamictal today. i've been doing a lot of research and it seems to be really good at helping the depression part, which would be awesome. my MD said that me being bipolar actually explains why all the gazillions of antidepressants i've tried never made a dent in my depression. i guess bipolar depression is different and is resistant to run of the mill antidepressants. so that's something good that may come out of this.

i'm giving up alcohol completely for one month. i've been drinking way too much, and i can't believe i'm saying this, but i am so sick of it. so as long as i'm going into debt to pay for personal training, i'm not wasting the money and calories on alcohol. after the month i'll re-evaluate how i feel.

i really have a spending problem. i have a ridiculous amount of credit card debt plus of course my student loans. sometimes i'm so anxious about it i can't sleep, other times i'm convinced that i'm going to be in debt forever anyway, why not live it up? i know that sounds ridiculous, but i'm really good at rationalizing bad shit. i was feeling so anxious about starting the new medicine (worrying about side effects, etc) that i went a little overboard at the MAC counter today. but at least i have some awesome new colors for fall....

starving + bleeding