hey y'all.

thank you so much to all of you who left me notes. your thoughfulness and your kindness mean more to me than words can possibly express.

it was a manic episode. my first "real" one, i guess - or at least the first time that hyperness lasted more than a day. it lasted a week and a half. it ended with me breaking a few windows (just because i thought the sound was fantastic), jumping off t's second floor balcony at midnight and doing hurdles throughout the neighbor's yards (inspired, i suppose, by the olympics). t threatened to drag me to the emergency room if i didn't calm down, so i chugged a couple bottles of wine and gulped a handful of leftover risperdal that i had left there (along with my usual dosage of seroquel - yikes). i then promptly crashed. for three days. i'm just starting to feel balanced out.

my doctor is concerned, for obvious reasons. i recently started Prozac (to help with the bulimia) and he says that can trigger mania. but i started it almost 2 months ago, why would it do something weird now??

it was so weird. i usually have a problem with insomnia (hence the seroquel, which doesn't always work) and i'm constantly dragging because of it. with this, i barely slept but i was full of boundless energy - that is, until i crashed. how is that possible?

i don't know. it's never happened before. i hope it doesn't happen again. this is the last thing i need.

other news...

my computer completely died over the weekend, so i had to buy a new one. it's a dell inspiron 1525 and i love it. i am such a stupid ass. Friday night i was telling t, as i was on my computer, how great it was that my computer still worked (it's five years old). not FIVE MINUTES later my computer crashed. FIVE MINUTES. i got the dreaded blue screen and now it refuses to turn on. like, at all. it's so dead. i completely jinxed myself. stupid woman. anyway, there goes my savings. they weren't spectacular to begin with, now it's decimated.

sigh.

starving + bleeding