what up people.

i saw Wanted this afternoon with t. it was really good, but honestly i'd go see angelina jolie in anything, even a will farrell movie (and that's saying a damn lot).

i know it's just a movie, but it got me thinking. it's about a dude asleep in his cubicle life who discovers his destiny as an assassin.

i defintely feel asleep in my life. i'm pissing it away with alcohol, psych meds and stupid obsessive thoughts about food. and it will probably be this way until i die. and there's no secret exciting destiny ahead of me. each day will be the same until i wake up one day and die. i know i've written about this before so i apologize for being repetitive. hell, even my thoughts are repetitive and boring. what hope does my life have?

i wonder if one of the reasons i hang on to being sick is that it is some kind of different. isn't that twisted? if i have an ED, at least that makes me a little different that the status quo. not everyone cuts like me or burns their skin. does that make me feel special in some kind of twisted way?

otherwise i am just one of a million normal boring people. and who wants that?

starving + bleeding