wow.

i've really been a negative, whiny-ass bitch lately. sorry for that. i don't complain this much in real life. this is all the shit that's in my head.

i am really uncomfortable in my body right now. technically, i'm healthy, but DAMN. i am too heavy. i feel myself expanded out in the air and it hurts. i take up too much damn room!! well that won't be for long. i'm sick of this healthy shit. down down down i go. i don't care how long it takes me, i will get to a new LW.

hopefully getting control of my weight and stuff will help me get control of the other shit. because, damn. the purging, cutting etc has got to go. i feel like a bystander, watching this other person who sorta looks like me doing these terrible things that i don't want to do. maybe control over one thing will help control the others...

...i hope...

but one thing i gotta say...i love my pen pals!!! you ALL rock! i love getting mail! i got two letters last thurs and that just made my day! woooo!!

starving + bleeding