today has been such a fucking mess.

t really wants to try couple's counseling. he says we can still live apart, and he'll continue his own therapy, but what's 55 minutes a week when it could save our marriage? We have to be seperated for a year anyway (state law) before we can get divorced - so what's the harm? especially when it could do so much good?

his logic always gets me. it makes sense. and now i'm back in that uncertain "what to do??" place that i'm terrible in. why can't i make up my fucking mind? why do i need other people to tell me what to do? why can't i figure out what i want?? i've been bawling off and on all day. i've purged like a motherfucker. i've cut. i just can not deal with uncertainty. i don't know what the hell to do.

starving + bleeding