i'm going out tonight and i'm drinking and dancing my ass off. i don't give a fuck.

we've talked on the phone a couple times. It's all very circular:

Me: I don't deserve to be spoken to or treated the way that you do.

Him: You're right, but if you would only do this and that, then I wouldn't have to say those things.

Me: No matter what I do, I don't deserve this treatment.

Him: But you have to look at what you do to get treated that way.

and so on and so on...plus he harps on "who gets divorced after two months of marriage? it just goes to show you don't know what marriage means. you're making a fool of yourself and your family and your family because of your craziness..." he really knows how to manipulate me - he says things that he knows affect me. but i will not cave. he says this time he'll change. i don't believe him.

screw that. i'm going out and cutting loose.

ps - i cut a couple days ago. first time since i "quit" i made it pretty far - two months. that's something, i guess.

starving + bleeding