a bunch of random shit...

work is....ok, i guess. i'm really not doing nearly as much as i should be. since i started i've had the hardest time focusing and being productive. when my MD asks about work i always say that i'm not doing anything, that i'm just a waste of space there and when they finally figure it out i'm sure to be fired. he always says "i'm sure you're being more productive than you think." last time he said that i blew up at him and i yelled "what do you think i did today?? i wrote ONE LETTER. ONE! for the whole day!!" that shut him up. god. sometimes he just doesn't fucking GET IT.

when i became vegan i also decided to give up caffeine as well, as it is toxic to the body. it's been three months and i'm about to say fuck it. i miss my coffee!! i miss my diet pepsi!! it's soooo fucking hard not to eat all day when i don't have something to suck down instead. eating is a welcome distraction at work, like coffee used to be and i'm just eating too fucking much these days.

my wedding is in 52 days and i want to drop to a new low weight. i need to get my ass in gear. our invitations are in though, and i can't wait to send them out!! hardly anyone is going to come but i don't care.

i have GOT to stop drinking. again. i'll never lose this shitty weight drinking like the fish that i am.

i've been able to meditate three times since sunday. it feels good - i do some energy work, pathworking and connect with the Lord and Lady. i admit that i am asking them to help in my quest for thinness which technically goes against the Rede but what can you do??

don't even get me started on britney spears.

starving + bleeding