i think a little taste of awareness has made t think twice as to whether he's ok about the purging. every night like clockwork i say i have to go to the bathroom and he lets out this huge sigh and rolls his eyes to the ceiling, like "heaven help me" and that's when he thinks i'm doing it once a day - god forbid he finds out that by that time i'm on number 4 or 5. he keeps asking if i'm ok and i just say that my stomach was upset, or i ate too much. now when we're eating he looks at my plate and says "are you still hungry?" and i say "no" and he asks "then why are you eating?" and i say "you're right" and give him my plate. it's actually very helpful....cause i don't want him to be asking that so i make sure to stop well before i'm almost done. and the truth is i'm really not hungry at that point. i'm actually amazed at how little i can eat and be full...but then of course come the fears that i ate too much and whoops there it goes down the toilet. i've lost a few pounds this week and am feeling encouraged...i'd like to be down 20 by the wedding (isn't it funny how 20 is the magic number?? no matter what i weigh i just want to lose 20 pounds) and i think i should be able to do with no problem.

wedding planning is in full swing...invitations, djs, flowers, rings, etc etc etc....i'm very overwhelmed and sometimes if i hear the word wedding i just want to scream...but i know it will all be worth it in the end...right?

starving + bleeding