not doing so well...burning like crazy...my whole body feels like it's on fire...and i don't think it's a bad thing.

i talked to my MD today about trying to outrun the bad thoughts and feelings. despite my entire lack of motivation to even get out of bed, i'm going to work, doing things after work, going to the gym and working myself into a frenzy so that by the time i crawl home i'm so exhausted that all i can do is pass out. no time to crash, no time to feel like shit, no time to descend into the lowest of the low. some days i can get away with it but others (like today) they sneak up on me anyway. he asked why, now of all times, would i be trying to give up the SI. i told him that maybe if i could overcome the symptom then maybe the cause would go away. i know, totally illogical, but i am so sick of feeling this awful. i'll try anything.

purging is not going well (in that it is happening far too often) up until about a month ago i had maybe purged 10 times in my life. now i'm on a 3-a-day schedule - and it doesn't seem to be letting up...

starving + bleeding