god i hate my life right now.

after a very rough weekend we are sorta getting along now - i'm trying to find a new place cause i can't wait to get the fuck out of here. it just seems to be taking forever.

i called my dad today and told him. i asked him to tell mom cause, frankly i was still pissed about what she said when i told her the wedding was off (for the record, she said: "well i can't see how t could have done anything wrong, you must still be really sick!") anyway, he refused and said i had to tell her. so fine, i call her tonight and i say i had to tell her something and she says well, i think you owe it to me to tell me in person. WHAT?! owe it to who?? why? she says that she deserves to hear it (seems obvious that she knows it already) and she has things to say in person. well fuck that. this is the hardest time of my life and she's fucking making demands about what is owed to HER?!? i just said fine, i won't tell you and i hung up.

GOD. i hate her. she's fucked with me my whole life but this is fucking cake. i hate her. i hate her hate her hate her hate her.

nevermind i am head to toe in cuts. i prolly should be put back in the hospital with how suicidal i am, but naughty me i don't tell my doctor. i can't be put in the hospital - i'd lose my job and i can't, not with all the fucking bills i have to pay. which makes me want to fucking kill myself more.

and of course now t is being as sweet as honey, now that we're broken up. i have to keep reminding myself about the eight million times he was a shit.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

starving + bleeding