ever since i got home from the hospital last january, every so often, every few days or so t would come to me and basically take a dump on our relationship - "this is shit, that is shit, what's the point of us being together, it's not working etc etc etc" These "conversations" or whatever you call them would upset me dearly as i would think that our relationship was ending...then he'd say everything was ok and be back to his happy-go-lucky self and i'd be lured into thinking everything was ok only to have the same thing happen again a few days later. Last week it happened three times to an earth shattering degree - each time i was reduced to curling up in a ball in the corner sobbing my brains out. the last time it happened, last thursday, something inside screamed for self preservation - i just can't take this back and forth and back and forth anymore...so anyway i told him i was done. i'm out. can't take it anymore. it shouldn't be this hard or hurt this much. i asked him to go to his dad's for the weekend - he said he would but he didn't. we didn't talk all day friday and saturday. sunday he broke down. begged my forgiveness, swore it would never happen again...i caved. but i find my heart closed against him now - i've been hurt so much that i'm almost unconsciously protecting myself against further pain. but how will we get past this unless i can get over it...i find myself almost waiting for it to happen again so i can bail. but that would be the easy answer, wouldn't it? i don't want to sabotage myself, nor do i want to overreact or be ultra sensitive...which i've been known to be...but, really, how much more can i take??

starving + bleeding