let me tell you something.

food just ain't worth it. it isn't worth the cramping, the stomach pains, the chills, the constipation, the bloating, the gagging, the sweating....the whole lot.

after god knows how many years any attempt to eat something close to normal is futile. i tried, i really did - when it looked like i was headed back to inpatient i tried. but i can't stand the physical misery.

then there is of course the skinny bitch in my head screaming at me every time i look in the mirror.

so fuck it. i've sustained this long. inpatient can kiss my ass.

starving + bleeding