well. i'm back. i survived. sorta.

i can't remember the last time i wass that nervous. before we started on the first day i seriously thought i was going to puke. first of all - it was the first time i had had breakfast in, i don't know, two YEARS?!!? but there's my dad, ushering me to the free breakfast in the hotel lobby saying i should eat, and hell, why not give my brain some food when it's about to be splattered against the wall?? (i know, gross) anyway so i have half a bagel and some juice and immediately my stomach is like WHAT THE FUCK I'M NERVOUS AS HELL AND YOU CHOOSE TO FEED ME NOW?!?!?

so fast forward to two minutes before go and me struggling to not see my bagel again.

my hands were actually shaking. it's just a goddamn test. if i fail SO THE FUCK WHAT. my dad was trying to be all encouraging and he told me about the mantras he used to say to himself before having to jump out of a helicopter into enemy territory in 'Nam.

of course i felt terrible because this is NOTHING like that, jeez now i feel like the biggest baby stressed out over a test when people risk their fucking lives every day. way to keep perspective, grrl.

anyway - two days later. it's over, can't change anything now. just have to put it out of my mind til i find out if i passed.

which, by the way, won't be til fucking THANKSGIVING. at least.

sheesh.

starving + bleeding