i am utterly, inexplicably, depressed.

for no reason.

i haven't cut in forever but i feel it coming...

i am profoundly unhappy. why? why? i feel so out of control in my life, like i can't do anything to make it better. overwhelmed, like there's so much to fix. how did i get here? why am i not the person i want to be? can i be the person i want to be? or is it just a dream, a phantom teasing me in the night? why are my needs not being met? how can i get them met? how can i get back on track? how can i steer my life again, instead of just being along for the goddamn ride? how can i stop looking back? how can i stop being afraid of the future? oy. that's a lot of questions. i really want a drink. really.

starving + bleeding