all the vampires walking thru the valley
move west down ventura boulevard
all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
and the good girls are home with broken hearts.

...want to free fall out into nothing. want to leave this world for awhile...

[not t0m petty but stev1e n1cks]

for those who read the last entry - no, i did NOT learn my lesson. i didn't learn it three times this weekend.

it is obvious that "managing my drinking" is not going to work. it is going to have to be nothing. nothing nothing nothing. i have to make a choice. and you all know i'm big on choices. i choose to stop drinking. that is the only language my all or nothing brain can comprehend.

i got the rest of my grades. i actually cried. they were that bad. they've been bad before but never bad enough to make me cry. this is really really bad. now my eyes and face match my shockingly pink shirt. how hot am i.

of course now i am even more motivated to work my ass off this last semester. but not right now. now i need to mourn the loss of my intelligence, deal with the brutal stripping away of my last shred of confidence. i am motivated. just not right now.

ha.

starving + bleeding