thanks to all who sent wonderful birthday wishes.

the day actually turned out ok - i was depressed for most of the day. it was raining and dreary, i was alone and felt very sad. plus i had to go to class which sucked. i got called on and looked like an idiot which sucked even more.

but then i went out for dinner/drinks with friends and had a great time. got incredibly incredibly smashed but that goes with the turf doesn't it? i haven't gotten on the scale since - too afraid too- but i figure by monday i should have gotten back to where i was before wednesday. i went for an extra long run this morning.

i'm doing well on the not cutting too - still on my november goal. It's only been 13 days but still, that's an achievement.

finals are coming at a galloping pace. i need to sit down and schedule every minute from now until december 14. although the next month is going to suck - i love planning it. it's the ocd in me - i love the rigid structure. i love sitting with my planner and counting out every minute. love it love it love it.

i have this terrible feeling that i'm going to have a heart attack or a stroke. i feel little twitches in my legs or arms and am convinced that they are blood clots waiting to break free and give me an embolism. or i'll be lying in bed and all of a sudden my heart will start racing for no reason at all. i feel like it will explode. i guess i'm just waiting for my body to betray me in some way. although it would have every right to, after what i've put it through.

sucker love is heaven sent you pucker up our passions spent

i have the thing in my template that is supposed to keep search engines from finding me. so why is it when i google myself my diary comes up? that ain't supposed to happen.

carve your name into my arm instead of stressed i lie here charmed cause there's nothing else to do...

starving + bleeding