hello darkness my old friend...

last night wasn't as bad as i had feared - only because when i finally crawled home after a long ass day i lay on the couch and passed out. hard to cut if you're asleep (although i won't say it never happens). woke up totally in a daze around 3am, couldn't get back to sleep. so from 3am til 6am i did crunches, leg lifts, pushups, whatever. hell i was awake, i should burn some extra calories. so now of course i am at school and am exhausted. again. going to the gym this eve so hopefully that will get my blood pumping enough to keep me awake until a more normal bedtime.

fuck the job. who fucking needs them.

still gigantic. of course. but perhaps a little less gigantic? looking in a mirror is like looking at myself in an overlay map - thinner versions of me over fatter ones. but since the fattest is on the bottom that's the one i see - i see the width that shouldn't be there and actually is not there - but i still see it.

starving + bleeding