ok - first of all, for those of you following summergrrl go check it out...i just made a monster update...

second of all...DAMN! it's been forever...i had planned on updating every weekend, but i ended up going to florida last weekend, so it didn't happen...i hope i haven't been evicted from anyone's buddy list :(

anyway - things have been crazy. i've been working this internship which started out incredibly boring because they didn't have anything for me to do but now it's insane cause they have given me too much to do and i usually have to stay at the office longer than they do!!

eating has been terrible. just awful. and i don't have stitch of energy to exercise...i feel my ass expanding as i sit at my desk all day and it kills me...i can't even get near the scale, the thought of what the numbers might say makes me burst into tears. but i keep saying, it will get better, it will get better, this week will be stronger, i just needed to get acclimated to my new schedule. of course it doesn't help that i'm dating someone who insists on taking me out for expensive meals practically every night...but i promise this week will be different. i will be strong. i will run at least four times. i will stay under 1000 at the very least. i will. i will. i will.

grades came back...my gpa has dropped almost a full point. do you know how bad you have to do to accomplish that??!? well, congrats to me, i've pulled it off...

i've been having awful nightmares almost every night. they almost all deal with me dying in some awful way. and the thing is, a lot of random things in my dreams come back in real like - that's when i get deja vu. i'll dream conversations with people i haven't met and then a year later i'll have them...i hope i'm not having premonitions. i'm always so paranoid anyway - but i've always feared some terrible awful death...and for some reason that's all i can dream about lately...

aight gotta run - be back next weekend...

starving + bleeding