god i feel terrible.

this depression just will not lift.

i think part of my frustration with my marriage is the fact that i can't wake up and start a new life. i can't move, change identities, change sexuality, change everything because i'm tied to someone. being tied to someone is a good thing because it holds me accountable to someone else, to take care of myself. but it's bad for me because now i feel like i'm stuck in this persona.

i want to be someone else, anyone else. and i feel like i'm going to be depressed until i can be someone else. then i'll be that person until i get depressed again. then maybe i'll go back to being this person...or maybe not. who knows?

starving + bleeding