i hate being out of touch...going a few days without coming on here makes me freak - i miss you all!! and i think about each one of you and wonder what's going on in your lives.

am in the process of moving back in with t. the wedding date is set for November 3rd of this year - weird to think in 3 months i'll be married!!

when i moved out last april during our break i moved in with my best friend. she had said that if i moved back with t she could handle the place by herself. fast forward to now and she says she can't. i've offered to find her a roommate but she says she can't live with a stranger. she expects me to pay my half of the rent until next april!!! i'm so fucking broke and she KNOWS that. she said i should be paying her full rent and live off of t!! i'm so not doing that...i told her we'd work something out. well...i went over there to pack some more stuff, and, well, she took down all the pictures of us and replaced them. so i'm guessing we're not friends anymore.

it just gets to me. this happened two years ago with a friend i'd had for 20 years. she decided she didn't like tony and thought that i was a snob because i didn't want to come over to her apartment and drink every night. so one day she took me off her myspace page and that was it. now my best friend isn't even trying to work things out and i find this out by her taking our pictures down. i'm such a loyal friend to these people for years and years and i do everything for them. then something agitates them and they just kick me out of their lives, like "that." is this what my friendship means to these people? it's like i tried to tell my therapist...i feel so lonely even with friends because i know that i care more about them then they do about me. i value their friendship at the highest and they kick me out the door at a moment's notice.

what am i doing wrong?

starving + bleeding