shit my hands hurt. it's my own damn fault, i've been wrist banging for about an hour...now i can barely type.

odd weekend - i spent most of it with tony. he really wants to get back together...i guess technically we are back together...i'm not really agreeing or disagreeing or making any sort of a choice. i'm just going along with anything...i'm so far from knowing my own mind at the moment that i can't even muster a thought or something close to an opinion. if you asked me to go hijack a plane to rekyavik i'd probably just shrug my shoulders and go along...how's that for living life...

i've been terribly thirsty these past couple days...i guzzle and guzzle water until i'm uncomfortably full and i feel like i have a water brick in my stomach...then i keep drinking because dammit i'm still thirsty. i don't know what's up with that, but i'm so full i have chest pains and i almost want to go purge all this water just to make room for more. but that would dehydrate me even more, yes? so then the cycle would continue.

i still hate my mother. my dad has guilted me into spending a little time with her, and she sits there with a smug little smile on her face, like butter just would not melt in her mouth. i know it's not nice to say about your mother but god i wish i could just punch her. again, going along with the no mind thing...i'm just rolling along doing whatever people tell me...but this...this has to stop. somehow somewhere i need to collect myself and tell my dad that i won't be guilted into this shit anymore.

it's monday tomorrow. fucking whoopee.

starving + bleeding