i'm going to write a book. yes i am. i'm going to write a book describing what life is like spending years toeing the line between striving to be normal and to behave like an upstanding citizen and constantly dangling yourself over the precipice of insanity. how every breath is a choice. a normal breath or a crazy breath? a sip of wine or a sip or water? to eat pizza or one saltine, licking it over and over until it becomes so soggy it crumbles in your hand? to accept the love given you by a wonderful man or to do one of a million things to fuck it all up so you can hate yourself even more.

i think straddling the line for ten years has made me even more insane than if i had just given in ten years ago and let the shit fly.

starving + bleeding