am mostly unpacked - a few odds and ends here and there but i am starting to feel settled. well, as settled as you can when you're back in the room you grew up in.

so many memories.

i started the bar review class yesterday. man that shit is BOORRING. four hours every day of watching a fucking video. not even a real person. a video. and sometimes they said it would just be audio. good lord. and i thought law school classes were unbearable. at least those were only an hour and 15 minutes.

saw new therapist yesterday. she seemed nice so hopefully we'll be able to get somewhere. she was surprised at how open i was with, having just met her. i guess i'm just tired of beating around the bush and wasting time. i want to get to the "better" part.

but do i really? i miss the darkness a lot. it still comes, but no where near as often. and i never feel as comforted. i've gone almost five weeks without alcohol and i considered purposely slipping so i could get that feeling back. can you imagine the guilt that would come with that?? why do i miss it so much??

am at a new lowest weight. that's something i guess.

starving + bleeding