christmas was nice. it is always nice for me to pretend that i'm a child again, to wait for santa claus and open presents. it's me and my mom and dad and every year it's like regressing in time twenty years. it's so sweet, so innocent. i love every second of it.

my mom told me this morning that this year will be our last "big" christmas. so we won't have this magic anymore, which kinda makes me sad. but i do appreciate being with my family. it reminds me why i want to move back to this area after graduation.

although i am beginning to rethink my other reason for wanting to move back here. all my friends that i've stayed in touch with over all the years have somehow made it back here one way or another and i really miss them too. they are starting families and stuff and i realized that i wanted to be a part of it, i wanted to be around. but this time i've been home has been really odd. if you had a friend you'd been close to since grade school and she came into town over christmas and you hadn't seen her since the summer, you'd want to see her wouldn't you? you'd return her calls. well for some reason i feel really neglected. i have to call people two or three times to get them to call me back (something that i generally don't do for anyone! just these people because i HAVE known them for so long...) and to get together i have to suggest stuff, i have to make the plans, and half the time they cancel and we have to reschedule. i realize that they have their own lives (and indeed their own families) but i can't help being hurt. if i come back is this what it's going to be like?

but i do want to be near my family so i guess it's a moot point.

i don't even know how much i gained yesterday. don't want to know. to make up for it i'm having nothing today. which i'm fine with - my stomach is still distended from yesterday. one benefit of severe restriction is five mouthfuls of anything and you're full...

hope your holiday was wonderful...and that you felt a little magic too.

xx

starving + bleeding